There are things worse than XXX

Like staying home from work sometimes. I took a day off to bring my ailing kitty to the vet--hardly playing hooky. Note: I need to learn how to be more of a badass. "Sick" days have been few and far between. This is my first one in over a year, and they're good for one thing, if nothing else: They reiterate that daytime television is reason enough to go to work every day (that whole getting a paycheck thing aside). I'm glad I spent a majority of the day in the car as there is NOTHING on television. Rewind. There are plenty of shows on television, but wow. It took five minutes of viewing to realize that there are many things worse than data entry. Many. For example, the Maury Povich show focused on women who can't seem to find the father of their children. We're not talking about deadbeat dads here--we're talking about women who slept with so many men that they can't seem to pinpoint which one could be the dad. Example: One woman, Shawn, has a 3-year-old. In the three years of her son's existence, she hasn't been able to find his father. Why? Because, whoops, she was a prostitute for a bit and there are at least 15 men who could be the baby daddy. She brought a sixth guy to the show to have a paternity test, and surprise, surprise, he is NOT the father. This, naturally, is followed by Shawn making a dramatic exit offstage and wailing, "Hooow could this haaaapen???" in the corner of the green room while XY #6 celebrates. Honey, I think we ALL know how THAT happens, and most women try to limit the can-dad-ites to one--two, if it's a daytime soap opera. Prostitution and paternity testing: both worse than punching trade tickets.

Paternity testing got boring after a while; turns out all of the women were pretty...umm...busy at the time of conception, so their poor kids remained fatherless, and their mothers went back to the drawing board to think of more potential pops. Really, when does humiliation on national television ever get old*? I breezed through the channels, and was offered the following options: The Tyra Banks Show, Malcom in the Middle, Dr. Phil, Al Rojo Vivo, Top Ten Canadian Wildlife, Pokemon, Charmed and Liar Liar. Slim pickings, here...

Malcom in the Middle won until the father went in for career day with his youngest son, and was battered with questions pertaining to his (hated) career:

"So the only reason you like your job is because you won't die in a fire?"
"If you don't like your job and it's so boring, why do you do it???"

Trying to defend your run-of-the-mill job against a bunch of kids who want to be astronauts, police men and lion tamers? Worse than punching trading tickets. Also, my chances of dying in a fire are minimal, unless one of those jackasses puts something metal in the microwave. Those kids have a point.

It didn't take long to realize that Al Rojo Vivo was probably the best option as, if nothing else, at least I wouldn't have a clue what I was in for. I turned off the TV.

Tomorrow, it's back to work. And, as it turns out, it's going to be a short week.

* It's okay--Maury got his. NOTHING--not even 6 failed paternity tests--quite compares to Connie Chung's farewell performance on MSNBC except, maybe, for when I step on my cat's tail. This is best watched with earplugs and an empty stomach: http://youtube.com/watch?v=lAXwT_I1yYM