Smyth Disappoints

Would You Like Fries With That: In an Unprecedented Eating Challenge, Smyth Disappoints

Updated: August 30, 2006, 02:18 PM ET

(Somewhereland, US) Just one day after consuming 10 Yodels in 8 minutes, Gregory Smyth failed to impress in his second eating challenge of the week.

As would be expected, there was a handful of GregFat participants with varying degrees of interest in Smyth, who was victimized by a challenge that he had a very slim chance of winning. Those long the market considered this a step toward an impressive December number, while those who remain short watched in relief as he failed to finish the ten McDonalds cheeseburgers. This incomplete may be indicative of reduced food intake and a possible diet. This is supported by his choice of honeydew melon for breakfast and salad for lunch, but is refuted by his gravitational pull toward meat-loaded pizzas and willingness to consume mass quantities of junk food the instant a glove is thrown down daring him to do so. It’s also possible that his ability to mass-consume food is limited to snack cakes produced by a duck with a chef’s hat on.

Even with permission to take more than the allotted 15 minutes to finish the burgers, Smyth admitted that he would have been able to finish one more, at best. “I just hate to disappoint the fans, ya know?”

A panel of judges ruled that he had 15 minutes to complete 10 cheeseburgers, and would be allowed to pair this meal with a beverage to decrease the danger of choking. Several bets were placed, and the event commenced at 12:37 p.m., EST. Spectators of the Cheeseburger Challenge should have predicted a failure to complete when, during the first burger, he commented, “That’s a LOT of bread!” Still, he ate the first with relative ease, finishing it in 50 seconds—well below the necessary pace. Burgers 2 (1:10), 3 (1:20) and 4 (1:13) were a breeze as well, but soon afterward, he appeared to hit the wall. Several mysterious burping noises escaped, and he was warned by one bettor that “(his) incessant mumbling has cost me 20 seconds” and to knock it off. Another concerned bettor recognized that perhaps it was a pseudo-cry for help. If this was the case, the cry went unanswered, and he trudged on, consuming the 5th in two minutes.

“Do they still TASTE good?!?” heckled a spectator.

“Can you smell the pickles???” hollered another.

“You’re ALL going to be smelling pickles in a minute!” he threatened. The threat was taken seriously and precautionary steps were taken. Two trash receptacles were moved next to him in the event of an emergency.

He took on an even whiter pallor than normal as the paparazzi captured the last painful bites.

“HE’S LOOKING PASTY! TURN THE HEAT ON!!!” someone cried. “EVERYONE START SWAYING LEFT AND RIGHT!”

“You already are,” he mumbled between bites before finishing Burger 7. Rather than subject his fan base to a Gallagher like explosion, he distributed the remaining three patties to a few lucky spectators.

A former 140-pounder from South Windsor Connecticut, the large-and-in-charge Smyth has been on a steady incline since, including a 15+ pound gain since November. His best showing in the Eating Challenge arena remains the Yodel massacre that occurred on August 29, 2006.

The next eating challenge has not yet been announced, but it is anticipated that it could occur on any given day during the next week.


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