Labor Day

My loathsome job sucks.
I eagerly await a
Fatal papercut.

A case of the Mondays on a Monday where you aren't actually AT work due to a holiday should be outlawed. Still, here I am, bitter and confused. I'm beginning to think that these sentiments aren't entirely about going to work at XXX tomorrow, but perhaps because I don't know where the hell I'm going, period. A brief conversation with the BF about this troubling job situation has my wheels turning (albeit 10x slower as it IS a holiday).

While growing up, our future "careers" were idealized: They were something we'd be "passionate" about, something we would "love" and something we'd waited our whole lives for. "You've gotta love what you're doing." "Find a job that suits who YOU are, not who everyone wants you to be." "Deep in your heart, you know what you want to do. Go do it!" I'm beginning to think that the truth of the matter is that maybe 5% of people get to do what they really want to do; the remainder do what they have to do to get by*, and that small portion who remains convinced that anyone can do whatever he or she wants to becomes a guidance counselor. This being said, what kind of ground rules does one establish when deciding which occupation she’d like to give a whirl? What happens when those ground rules change? How do you accommodate these changes? I've always been somewhat indecisive to begin with, which complicates things further. Don't get me wrong--when I DO know what I want, I want it (and will get it eventually), but I have very diverse interests, so narrowing the field down to several realistic occupations has proven particularly difficult. This indecisiveness has resulted in low standards and minimal thought. For example, when I embarked on this field trip toward "adulthood" my guidelines were as follows: 1. Job must prevent me from moving back home and 2. Job must provide health insurance. This resulted in me accepting a position that I was in no way qualified to do (or so I thought) in a business I'd never envisioned myself in. Still, the job with CX satisfied the aforementioned criteria successfully. After several months of enjoying my independence and insured health, however, I began to realize that I was teetering on the brink of insanity thanks to countless hours of data entry, and that there was no plan in place to end the madness and perhaps give me "challenging" work (like, for example, coloring within the lines of a workbook or memorizing numbers 1-10 in Spanish). I was given the job with CX because no one wanted to do it. I should have known better when one of the women I was working with seemed a little too eager to train me and get the work off of her plate. At the end of the day, I was employed to type in 2 to 9 digit numbers for hours a day, and to smile up at the reception desk until I couldn't take it anymore. And one day, I couldn't.

So it was back to the drawing board. The requirements for my next job included 1 & 2 mentioned in the paragraph above, but then I added a few more: 3. Job must offer some sort of future/promotion potential 4. Job must offer dental benefits (since without them, having teeth is of no benefit to me at all) and 5. Job must be challenging. I went on several interviews during my stint with CX, and after a few duds found my "dream" job as a marketing associate with a small cruise line. The work would entail conducting market research, assisting with the development of a marketing strategy, writing copy for promotional materials and aiding with website development. I basically had the pen out and was ready to sign the dotted line when I was informed, “By the way, we can only start you out at $12/hour, and currently do not offer health insurance to our employees, but you’re going to LOVE it here!” It was like taking the biggest gulp of freshly-squeezed orange juice ever...and forgetting that you just brushed your teeth. Son of a bitch. In obvious violation of rules 1 and 2, I regrettably had to turn it down.

So here I am today, with XXX. During my interview, it seemed as though this trading assistant position would satisfy all 5 of “A’s Established Guidelines for The Best Job Ever,” and I took it. Previous entries may have led you to believe that I’m not happy at this job, and you know what? You’re totally right. Again, guidelines 1 and 2 have been met (although this insurance isn’t as good as the previous), but no one is willing to give me work to do regardless of how many times I ask for it, the dental plan that lured me in was axed and I perform the same exact routine every day without fail. I’m also working an average of 10 hours more per week, am commuting 6+ hours to do it, and, on a per hour basis, am making less money. So what next?

A lot of this anger toward my job is misguided. At the end of the day, I can only be angry with myself for failing to take the steps necessary to discover what it is, exactly, that will make me happy in the workplace. The Prince Charming of jobs may not exist, but I’m choosing to spend my time with one who refuses to give me greater responsibilities, fails to recognize the work that I do (spare Paul), serves salad with his bare hands, and for God’s sake—flaunts his loogie construction at the desk (I’ve heard noises that would make Regan from “The Exorcist” quiver and shake in the corner). Regardless, I choose to get up every morning and go there, and I choose to limit the activities that I do outside of work to accommodate the hours. I’m limiting my work life to what it is--50 hours of “getting by”--and am doing so resentfully. I owe myself more than that. And I owe my employer more than that.

It’s easier for me to be miserable sometimes than it is to abandon my fears of future disappointment and roll on with my life. I’ve postponed the task of job-hunting for fear of taking another one and experiencing more aggravation—what if it’s worse than what I already have?!?—but I’ve always been advised against settling with something “tolerable.” This attitude has stunted me, and reduced me to a bitter blogger.

So maybe it’s time to be a little bit proactive here. Yes, there is the lure of the bonus in December, and don’t get me wrong—I will be staying until then (at least). It’s just that it’s never too early to start thinking about what needs to be added to my list for when job-hunting season arrives, and what it is that will make me happy. Please send along any advice those of you who ARE happy might have. In the meanwhile, I’ll just go ahead and add numbers 6, 7 & 8 to the list:

6. Job’s commute must be limited to 1 hour per day, if at all possible. Exceptions will be considered for an exceptional job.

7. Job must exclude coworkers who openly accuse others of failing to flush, who growl/snort/snarf/hack/hairball in the office rather than in the bathroom, who treat public food as finger food and/or who wear neon-yellow bicycle spandex as office casual attire.**

8. Job must leave me feeling as though I actually made a difference at the end of the day/week.

In the meantime, it could be worse. After all, shorts/spandex season is drawing to a close.

* Which isn’t to say they don’t enjoy what they do in one way or another—it’s just that not everyone gets to grow up to be an astronaut. Or a rockstar. Or an actress. Or a Playboy photographer. ;-)

** Our office dress code will be a-dressed in a future entry. It merits its own discussion.