A completely porpoiseless entry

Accomplishment of the Week: The mercy rule was not enforced in Monday's softball game. In fact, CX emerged victorious! That's right ladies and gents, the same team that has fallen victim to the mercy rule in each of the last 4 games and has suffered losses exceeding a dozen runs, celebrated its first legitimate victory, beating the second to worst team in the league 10-9. It counts for something, I'm just not quite sure of what yet. I will say that I briefly experienced this tingly feeling that I haven't had since college...I think it's indicative of "accomplishment." I'll have to consider incorporating it into my daily schedule somehow; it felt quite nice.

GregFat settlement was today, and from what I gather, Rich was the only BIG loser (it should be noted that he was conveniently absent from work). Greg, on the other hand, was a loser in no way, shape or form: he tipped the scales at a hefty 268 pounds (a 14 pound gain since November). In an effort to teach everyone something new today, this is the average weight of a Dall's porpoise. There are several other striking similarities that have led to office suspicions of a Porpoise Conspiracy: a stocky body, especially in the mid-region, a small rounded head, short beak, and white in color (although Greg is missing the black markings--maybe an albino?). They, like Greg, also tend to eat 28-30 pounds of food each day. The porpoises max out at 350 pounds, so if you want to trade GregFat, you may want to take this into consideration when planning your position (all porpoise info can be found here: http://www.nceas.ucsb.edu/nceas-web/kids/mmp/dalls_physical.htm ). At XXX, it would make total sense for a cetacean to be the "Risk Manager," and in retrospect, he does make a lot of really weird noises. I also wouldn't dismiss the possibility that Sean would have hired a porpoise in order to screw anyone participating in the GregFat market (after all, Sean is the one who set this whole thing up). I'll keep an eye out for a dorsal fin.

Supposedly his crash diet begins tomorrow in hopes of hitting 210 (low-fat herrings? seaweed salad sans dressing?), but I'll believe it when I see it. Somehow, I see the trade of Burger King Stackers, milkshakes etc. for low-fat granola and cottage cheese to be about as likely as pulling off the tuna-fish for PBJ trade in elementary school (you know you tried it). It would probably be best if we didn't go to the Bahamas, anyway. It would be a damn shame for Sean to be taken out by a harpoon wielded by a peg-legged, crazed sea-man instead of the expected heart attack.