He moves in mysterious ways

Ted caught on to "the week", and brought in 8 bags of assorted chocolates today. God bless him.

The office was relatively quiet. There is a noticeable increase in anxiety, however, as the last GregFat settlement period is coming up before the FINAL one in December. There isn't as much money riding on this weigh-in as there is on December (some men will be sleeping on the couch for their stupidity, if not the street--one of the participants has promised to pay for a New Year's Eve trip to the Bahamas for all employees AND their SOs if he hits 210), but his weigh-in will still cost a few guys a pretty penny. This has caused a heightened interest in Greg's weekend activities. Paul asked where he would be eating this weekend, and he mentioned that he was going to the city...and then quickly slipped in "to go dancing."

Un momento, por favor?

"You will NOT!" exclaimed Paul. "THAT constitutes exercise, and you will be staying at a healthy 270 until Wednesday!"

"Who's the guy?" queried Kevin.

"You do understand that you are very, very white, right?" mentioned Rich.

Greg is 6'4, 270 (?) pounds and about as graceful as Cosmo Kramer. The rhythm in his step is painfully offbeat. Those of you who know me will be quick to point out that I'm no ballerina either, but hey--I'm not the one going out on Saturday night. He attempted to defend his weekend plans by pointing out that he doesn't want to go; that it's his wife's friend's birthday and she has insisted that they go dancing in the city. "You'd better drink a LOT," advised Paul. "And you may want to make sure your wife has 2 for each 1 of yours. Can you even dance?"

"I sorta move from side to side. Like shuffle or whatever."

Oh no. We jogged our memory for classic white boy moves, and came up with the following:

1) the lawnmower: Pull that cord, pull that cord, put both hands on the handle, lean back and mow!
2) the sprinkler: Put one hand on the back of your head, and the other either a) pointed straight in front of you or b) (advanced - please do not try this at home) holding the opposite foot, rotate and convulse!
3) the shopping cart: I'm not sure how this one ever made it into the library of white boy dance moves as 9/10 men I know would not be caught dead pushing a grocery cart (and the one that will is only pushing it because he can't carry 3 cases of beer at the same time), but regardless, push that cart, push that cart, take something off the shelf on the left side of the aisle, put it in the basket and repeat on the right side
4) the truck driver: You're drivin', you're steerin', you take your hand off that wheel, change gears and honk the horn. Beep beep m' beep beep, YEAH!
5) the double arm pump: Best exemplified by the Numa Numa dancer--6) the head bop, or anything performed by the Roxbury Brothers
7) any form of line dancing: Achy Breaky Heart, Boot Scoot, Electric Slide, Macarena, etc.
8) the white man's overbite: pull that mandible forward like you're going to swallow your own head, and accompany with any of the aforementioned dance moves. Typically displayed when the dancer is drunk and feeling confident that they are tearing it up.

Greg was encouraged to take notes and practice prior to Saturday's outing (feel free to share favorite dance moves with me. I'll make sure he receives them). In the meanwhile, we are desperately trying to find out where this atrocity will be occurring in order to harvest some quality blackmail. Watch out NYC: King Kong is on his way, and I've heard he has a mean overbite and 2 left feet.